Previously, I mentioned this ridiculous battle going on in my mind and soul. Actually, it's not ridiculous but I'm becoming tired of it renting space in my head uninvited! There are principles at work that I know have much scriptural basis and there is also affirmation that what is occurring is legitmate. There is actually much joy to be had in all this!
While there has been evidence of struggle and I've found confidence in the existence of a struggle, I haven't been satisfied with just that much information. I was seeking more counsel, more affirmation, and looking to other sources for help. In the end, the source that has given empirical evidence and blessed assurance is the Word of God.
In the second Corinthian letter, the Apostle Paul wrote in reference to the revelation of the light of the Cross of Christ. In chaper 2 Cor. 4:4 he confirms that the god of this world (the enemy) has blinded the eyes of the unbelieving that they might not see the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. This seems pretty logical if you have a basic assent and intellectual understanding of how Scripture reads.
Herein lies my hurdle. I know the truths of Christ revealed in the Word. I also believe the truth of the Cross, creation, and general revelation provide ample evidence of a Creator and His divine nature. Also, I believe that this revelation is also enough to provide the evidence that is needed to leave me condemned before the judgement seat of Christ. Knowing all this, believing it in my mind, and affirming it with my mouth equate to zip.
Now the two collide and I have an inner struggle, an intellectual assent, and a desire to know the difference. I rejoice that I know there is a difference. But, how do I reconcile all of this information? Well, two things are evident. One, the inner struggle is a common trait that all of humanity experiences at one point or another and we just know there is something we are going to be accountable too. Is it not His law that is written on our hearts? Two, the intellectual assent provides logical and statistical data that helps one make a conclusive decision, but it can all be infactual and have no bearing on "actual truth" if it isn't real. Is this blog post is further evidence that I have a desire to make my calling and election sure? (2 Peter 1:10)
Reading in Scripture of the redemption to be had, the accomplishments of Christ on the Cross, and our Lord's glorious words, my heart and soul are happy. I rejoice in knowing that He will return one day and not only redeem His bride, but also reign as our King forever! This causes such a wonderful comfort and happiness that my feeble and poorly written words could not even begin to express it truly.
So back to the point! The enemy has darkened the minds of those who don't believe. This would provide a huge stumbling block and throw up a huge wall in front of all the insights that previously were said right? Right, so then what? Where do I find joy in all of this then? Well, if we read on in the Scriptures we'll see. If we believe any of these things, well have a resultant response in the preaching of Christ crucified, as this is the Gospel (2 Cor 4:5). Then we go on to find affirmation that if we see the joy in anticipation of our Lord's coming and seek to do His will in the mean time, we have the light of Christ revealed to us by Him (4:6).
In closing thought, this is where the rubber is meeting the road for me today. I'm sure it will take form again in some way tomorrow or another day. But, today I had joy, true profound joy that made me feel good that I knew Christ as Lord. Not because He's my fire insurance, but because He's my master, and I am His slave! I wish to do His will every day and my battle comes from the flesh trying to nag me about the ways that I don't. Thank God for repentance, and thank God for faith. Without either, I'd not know the Saviour.
Here is a link to an article at Desiring God by John Piper that helped me organize my thoughts on this matter! Praise God for John's devotion and insight into the Word. This has helped a lot!