May 15, 2009

Running From the Sun - Part 1

I had made many trips into the dark of night to seek out destruction and death one packet at a time. I have also braved situations that I would never endure without the backing of a small army. The decisions that I made through past indiscretions were many, and often brought rotten fruit. But, some of these decisions were not just spoiled refuse. As it turns out, rotten fruit still has seeds. Those seeds, can still be planted, and bear good fruit. Here is my personal account of that bad fruit bearing good seed. I will pick up where the seed began to sprout, and when it seemed like all had failed, turns out it was only the beginning...

After arriving back to a sight that was dolorous but welcoming, the Rising Star motel offered a veiled solace. I hurried frantically toward the motel room door and fumbled with the key in the lock. Although the walls surrounding the secluded motel gave comfort for a minute, the paranoia and anxiety quickly crept back to overtake the momentary relief and I returned to the agitated state of peering over my shoulder and looking for the police and every other stalker my mind had convinced me was pursuing me. The sick feeling had receded into my consciousness for a short time only to be awakened by the innocuous thought of scoring another blow. There was just something about scoring that anesthetized the euphoria while making the withdrawal worse. When you knew you were going to be spending time kicking, you just dealt with the pain.

It felt like time was standing still while I waited for the door to open and when it did I was where home had become. With the curtain drawn to protect us from the normalcy insinuated by the daylight, the background of the television drowned out the noise of the Joe’s and the Jane’s about their real life afternoon business commuting down the busy city street. Of course there was concern about who may happen to look in and see our secret, but they were up to the same shady specialty we were and it really didn’t matter anyway. I sat down with relief. My feet were aching and I was mentally exhausted from the acquisition of our prize. The darkness still provided very little sanity as the paranoia reigned supreme. Although I was in the presence of the familiar it brought only a minor indulgence. The one whom I loved would betray me for a quick fix. But then again, I would do the same.

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