You may not like this...

If you are easily offended, don’t read this.

The nature of public spaces is such that we the people will alternately amuse, befuddle, bore, and appall one another. There is no way around this. The best we can do is to be civil, polite, and tolerant. Generally, we do alright together. In fact, I have an increasingly high appreciation for the general politeness of my fellow humans. I hope I can hold up my end of the bargain.

Our church fellowship has been making a point of heading to Liberty Plaza most Friday evenings to participate in food distribution to the homeless and working poor of Washtenaw county. I credit those by-standers who may not appreciate seeing a hundred homeless folks in "pristine" Ann Arbor with at least being tolerant of the activities. The realities of the scene include the regularly scheduled drunks and the occasional fistfight. I think that the average bystander, however, can acknowledge at least the good intentions of the effort, if not fully agreeing with the details. Again, I give my fellow humans credit here for some demonstrated tolerance.

Now, being easily mistaken for a narrow-minded, intolerant, ignorant, homophobic, uptight, self-hating, christian bible-thumper, your humble correspondent has plenty of potential opportunities to get on his high-horse and ride off in offense at the goings-on in the wilds of Ann Arbor. Problem is, I don't feel terribly offended by my fellow humans. The more I talk with people, the more I feel for them. We may differ on many things, but I hope I give them as wide a berth as they generally give me.  Getting hit on by a guy does not offend me. Having a druggie throw over my serving table does not offend me (OK, I was MOMENTARILY steamed...) F-bombs do not offend me. Are there things I'd rather not have my 6 year old daughter see and hear downtown? Sure. But I kind of understand why people do what they do, and it gives us things to discuss afterward. We've all got our beliefs.

Being almost Halloween, the zombies were out in force on campus last Friday night. So, too, were the ninjas, secret agents, video game characters, etc... Now, this isn’t the point of this piece, but I've come to a place in my life where I really don't want anything to do with Halloween. I used to do it as a kid. I even used to make some pretty scary haunted houses. I never meant anything truly evil by it. I just like the theater of it all. But at some point, any fun I derived from the occasion became subservient to the realization that we were celebrating evil. Life's too short, and I'm here to point people to Christ, not to devils. I can't slice it any other way anymore. You might not agree. I trust we can tolerate each other. I get where you're coming from. I really do. I hope you can understand where I'm coming from too. I love you. Don't hate me just because I'm different.

All this is simply to say, we all have our differences, but I think we learn over time not to question each others' sincerity. We’ll talk things out, and that is what will determine how much we have in common. We may see things differently, but that’s OK. I don't particularly want to see zombies, but I'm not offended by zombies. Live and let live... er... die and... well, never mind.

Which brings me to the point. It’s not about Halloween. Something else the other night really made me question the intentions of some of my fellow humans. Let me be blunt.

Ladies, I'm struggling with the fact that 90 percent of you felt that the only acceptably creative bottom half for your costume that night was nothing more than a pair of panties. Sure, you had the brilliance to vary the colors, but come on, seriously?

Back up for a minute. When ONE of you walks by wearing something excitingly above average I can chalk it up to your beliefs vs. my beliefs. Pardon me if I bounce my eyes away and don’t look at you. You’ve got your freedom. I’ve got mine. The pavement is my friend. It’s not that you look bad in the least, but if I let myself enjoy looking at you I’ll be taking that bit of attention away from my wife. It may seem awkward that I snap my eyes away from you, but you’re not really offending me. I hope I don’t offend you. I’m just saving my eyes for my wife.

Fast forward. When I see a couple hundred of you over the course of a few hours and it becomes clear that your southbound creativity stops at your navel I’m suddenly overwhelmed by the fact that you are not expressing your individuality. You are corporately expressing the internationally recognized signal for “look at my crotch.”

I know that you probably don’t mean to say that. After all, there’s a good chance you’re only doing it because everyone else is. You want to look attractive, and let’s face it, the “standards” went “up” last night and you had to follow suit to get any attention. But that is exactly the problem. You are asking for “attention” from every man you pass. And what exactly do you think is on their mind as they stare at you?

What’s worse, this means that you are unwittingly attempting emotional robbery from every woman who happens to have a claim on one of those men. I’ll wager that most of you individually, secretly want “your man” to have eyes “only for you.” Be honest. Would you want your boyfriend, fiance, or husband looking at some whore who’s dressed the way you’re dressed? Think about it.

And if common decency isn’t a powerful enough motivator, then you’re also probably naive enough to think that all those guys are just appreciating you for all that “inner beauty” which just happens to be shining out from that spot between your legs.

So, why do I care?

It's not a "spiritual thing". Dressing less provocatively will make not one iota of difference to you in the grand spiritual scheme of things. Not one bit.

So, why not go for it? Whether you get drunk or not, you're going to feel buzzed from all the attention you get. Why not go for it? I bet you like having men follow you around like puppies. Why not go for it? Might as well. Empowering? Sure.

The reason I care is because I don't think most of you can see beyond the attention to the intention. Would it shock you to know that you're being constantly mentally gang-raped by all those "adoring" guys? Every second you're out there, someone's mentally doing you.

Don't get me wrong. The ultimate blame falls on each of those guys alone.

I used to be one of those guys. I know.

And you guys out there know exactly what I'm talking about, too.

To Swim Or Not To Swim: Modesty Is The Question?

The question, in question, was simple. How come I cannot swim in your public pool with a shirt on? The response was interesting, and of course, I received several quick answers. I hope that they were well thought out, because the responder, was indeed a public official. Although, I am not sure if it was an 'elected' or an 'appointed' position, surely if she were elected her speech would have been more eloquent. Or not.

The story is not so exciting or outside the norm. If you really consider that my expectations are not usually too high, you would learn that the outcome of my dialog with said city official was not horribly disappointing. But, in lieu of the principals at stake, me having a strong desire to advocate for others, and that I am quick to pull the "I am a social worker" card, I decided to take action for the wrong that you are about to hear about.

I arrived at a park, a public park, in Grosse Pointe Park, early afternoon for a 'company' picnic. After mingling and eating for a short time, some of us decided it was time to take a swim in the pool. I must say, I was attracted to the diving boards almost instantly. I have always loved diving boards. I found the locker room, changed, and showered, in my swim attire. Of course, state mandatory regulations require all pool patrons to shower with warm, soapy water. I suppose that is to cut down on the bacteria that the chlorine does not kill. I complied, and then proceeded toward the pool for some summer fun!

Now, here is where some detail is necessary. I do not swim as most men choose to swim. I swim with a shirt. I know it might sound absurd, or maybe even hindering to my aerodynamic form when I do laps, but I still wear it. Not only do I wear it to protect against harmful UV rays, but I wear it for modesty sake. Yes! You heard me say modesty. In response to this I have often heard some people say, 'Oh it is really no big deal, nobody is paying attention to that!" Or, some reply with a cackling, "You think you are hot stuff huh?" The worst response that I usually get is, "You think you swimming without a shirt will cause a woman to sin?" Yes, for what it is worth, these typical, bantering responses do annoy me to some degree.

In case you have not figured it out for yourself, modesty for men is quite different than modesty for women. We have the benefits of a wider array of socially accepted norms and mores. This does not mean that our culture has not experiences a huge shift in the tolerance of clothing (or lack thereof) for women, it just means that men can walk around half-naked and not be chastised, or arrested for it. But, should a woman practice this same behavior (shirtless hiking per se) then she would most likely be arrested for indecent exposure. Why? Well she has exposed her chest. Thankfully, we have not reached such a tragic depth of public voyeurism just yet and most law enforcement entities would restrain or request to cease behavior like this. After all, there are children to consider right?

Comparisons aside, what is the point of my monologue here? After swimming in the aforementioned pool for almost an hour and a half, a few dives off the old diving board, and one killer thigh smacker I returned to the picnic for a little rest. After spending some time chatting, a few of us decided to return to the pool for a few more dives before leaving. This is when it became interesting. As I lined up at the board, the teenage lifeguard observing the diving end yelled out to me, "You cannot wear that shirt in the pool." Instantly I was startled. See, I heard the statement, but I could not see where it came from. Swimming means no glasses, and glasses mean almost blind. Then I looked up and said, "Huh?" This is when it became clear that the young man was telling me I cannot wear my shirt in the pool.

Instantly the folks around me said, "Just take it off!" Another woman had responded, "It is no big deal, you do not need a shirt to swim." The young lifeguard told me that I could dispute the matter with the head lifeguard, who in turn referred me to the park director.

We caught up with the park director and discussed the pool policy regarding clothing and swim attire. She informed me that there is a pool policy requiring all swimwear to be just that, swimwear. There were no posted signs, the park website contains no listing of these said rules, and I have made two requests to the parks and recreation department for a listing of rules, or the location they are posted for observation. During the discussion with the park director, she informed me that it is a policy they actively enforce because there is no way to know whether or not people are practicing good hygiene in relation to their clothing choices. For instance she said, "I could have been mowing the grass in this shirt." And the head lifeguard said, "You can just go down the street to Harper sports and buy a shirt." And the biggest contention that they offered was that my shirt was made of cotton.

That leaves a few arguments that are not adequately answered here. 1. How do you know what people are doing in their 'approved' swimwear prior to their pool activities? 2. What difference would a swim shirt, made of non-cotton materials make if I mowed the lawn in it? 3. Although you never mentioned the spread of bacteria in swimming pools why are you even allowing children into the pool with 'swim diapers' on?

Sure the diaper helps prevent seeping fecal matter, but it sure is not foolproof. What most swimmers probably do not know, is that most issues people face from public pool swimming come from the oral ingestion of water containing contaminants like urine, fecal matter, and other human wastes. Yes, this is disgusting I know! So is the idea of all the people that admit to urinating in public pools despite the close proximity of public restrooms.

Long story short. I was unable to reason with the pool staff about re-entry into the pool. I stated plainly that the clothing I was wearing is for swimming only, and that my point in wearing a top is that I do not find it necessary to swim half-naked. When reasoned with by the director to, "Go ahead, why don't you take your shirt off, you look great!" I responded in return for her to tell all the women in the pool to take their tops off as well. I did not think so. I suppose it does not seem to others to equate. She then told me that she felt horrible about asking a rather large woman to take off her over shirt as well. Not because the woman was swimming, or mowing lawns, or dusting knick-knacks with her shirt on, but because it was cotton.

I firmly believe that my body is for my wife. And likewise, we as believers must understand that the culture does not determine the acceptable level of nakedness, or better yet, determine what level of modesty becomes immodesty, but still socially acceptable. Had I removed my shirt at their command, not only would I have violated my conscience, but I would expose myself in a manner that is for the marriage bed, between a man and a woman.

Thanks Ms. Park Director for your inappropriate commentary, or better said, sexual harassment, but no thanks. You can have your rules and regulations, as for me and my house, well, we serve the Lord.

Top Ten Reasons Modesty Gets a Yawn

A dear sister from our fellowship has written an interesting post concerning modesty. She makes an excellent point regarding the battle that many brothers wage daily against lust and their desire to see their Christian sisters embrace and practice modesty. You can enjoy the entire post at her blog "Pursuing Titus 2"

Here is her introduction, I hope you enjoy the rest!

My family and I have had the privilege of hanging out with some unbelievably awesome single guys lately. A big reason I say they are so awesome is that they actually care about winning the battle with lust. Most men gave up long ago. Titus talks about Cretans whose “god is their belly.” In our culture, deity seems to have migrated several inches south.

But these guys have a problem, and it’s a problem that we have to own as their sisters in Christ. Everywhere they go, women are unbelievably unhelpful. Flaunting. Revealing. Immodest. Out in the world, we wouldn’t really expect anything else, but when it’s women in the Church, that’s a different story. Over and over, our friends have lamented that Christian women just don’t seem to understand what they’re doing to their brothers. I think that’s because no one is out there trying to teach them. And guess what, ladies, that’s OUR job. The Bible says that it’s up to women to teach other women how to be discreet and chaste (Titus 2:5).

But so many women can’t muster much passion about this issue. It conflicts with other values, or it just isn’t on the radar screen. So, in honor of awesome guys everywhere, I would like to present my Top Ten Reasons Why Modesty Gets a Yawn in hopes that all of us ladies can wake up, start being “teachers of good things” and consider how to provoke other women to love their brothers by making the gathering of the saints a safer place for battle-weary soldiers of purity.

Modesty From Noah Webster's Dictionary

Modesty - In females, modesty has the like character as in males; but the word is used also as synonymous with chastity, or purity of manners. In this sense, modesty results from purity of mind, or from the fear of disgrace and ignominy fortified by education and principle. Unaffected modesty is the sweetest charm of female excellence, the richest gem in the diadem of their honor.

also

Modesty, as an act or series of acts, consists in humble, unobtrusive deportment, as opposed to extreme boldness, forwardness, arrogance, presumption, audacity or impudence. Thus we say, the petitioner urged his claims with modesty; the speaker addressed the audience with modesty.

So what about modesty for us men? What kind of expectations are there for us? How is it seemingly the hot topic to always address the issue of immodesty in women, albeit the primary focus there is in dress, but modesty can be had in more areas than physical dress can it not? How could we make a presumption or comparison on this same topic but in regard to the men in the Church? Something that should definitely be paid attention too, and I think we will give it a look.

Stay tuned because I think this one's not going away for a while, it's burden on my soul is too great.

You and Your Daughter are Prostitutes...Of The Flesh (Pt.2)

continuing from yesterday's post...

Undoubtedly there could be a lack of understanding and a need for discipleship in the truth and exemplary duty of modesty in a culture where modesty has been dismissed as a cultural stage we have progressed out of. But also, there is an innate evil in the heart of sinners and the unregenerate that seeks to sow seeds in amongst the wheat that spring forth tares choking out life and killing anything it comes near. John 3:11, the message we heard from the beginning is that we love one another. This love is in accordance with our Lord's will, not to knock each other down by flaunting the flesh that causes temptation and sin. Romans 5:5, The love of God is shed abroad in our hearts, this will relfect in our actions toward others. I ask this, is showing off an acreage of cleavage showing love toward a brother who struggles with lust? Are you so self-conscious that you have to find gratification in luring all the wrong attention you can toward yourself?

It's simply stated for believers in 1 Thessalonians 4:7-9, we shouldn't have to be informed or written to that we are to love one another. Loving one another not only means that we are not to cause a brother to stumble, it is better to go without a pleasure or behavior than to cause a brother to stumble, especially in lieu of liberty and purity (1 Co 8:13). Peter (2 Peter 1:4-7) admonishes us to show evidence of our fruit through self-control, persevearance, godliness, kindness, and love! But if you are lacking in this (2 Peter 1:9) you are blind, shortsighted, in violation of the covenant promises of God through Christ Jesus.

So to end this post now, as It's taken much time to get to this point, it will take much time to undo it, or seek to make it better. As the letter of 1 Peter 3:5, I Timothy 2:9, and the admonition from all of scripture to have a testimony embodied in your very being and the light of Christ being reflected in your life clearly, unmistakingly, undoubtedly, and powerfully (Mat 5:15, Luk 8:16, Luk 11:33).

I guess my point is the lack of those whom are repulsed enough of the enemies attack on the culture is truly showing. I pray that if you have been redeemed of God that you get up, get up NOW and begin participating in the Great Commission given us of Christ Jesus. Go, tell others that they may hear, that they may be saved, and that some may come to know him...

Galatians 6:1-5 teaches a very important lesson for the teachers, elders, evangelists, and men in the body of believers. This lesson is a calling out to those who care about sin in the face of a righteous God. It's an admonition and rebuke to the leaders in the body to remember the covenant made with the Father in redemption and rebuke, correct, and teach those who sin openly, and amongst us. It is also an encouragement to help them learn the truth of the word that will show them a more righteous way in Christ who gives us life, and power over sin through the Holy Spirit. In Galatians 6:10 Paul goes on to teach us that we must first do good to all people (love), and especially to those who are of the household of faith (emphasis mine). Would not doing good to the brethren include teaching them a better way while also eradicating through discipline the problem of sin in the body of believers?

...Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity.
(Eph 4:17-19)

You and Your Daughter are Prostitutes...Of The Flesh (Pt.1)

It is an ever growing trend that many are well aware of. This trend not only is openly accepted and widely encouraged, but it is also fiercely lethal and increasingly growing out of control. What we do not know is that this poison that is deadly in all it's capacities also has the ability to masquerade and disguise itself. What could something so inherently fatal disguise itself as? I'll tell you what it's facade is. It's facade is known as a social norm.

Social norms are rules that are socially enforced. This enforcement usually occurs when society's general consensus and opinion determine that something is socially acceptable and passes as a "norm". These norms often result in a higher and more lethal strain of this poison when it develops itself into what is known as a more (morr-ay). A more derives from a socially practiced custom instead of a culture's laws or "commandments".

Now that you know what it is that I am discussing here let me answer your question of what it is being labeled. While it would be interesting to go into an exhaustive dissertation on the many things that conflict with my worldview in this area of discussion, I won't. I believe I just might save that for a school assignment. Nonetheless, the main point of concern I would like to address is the young female population (and their parents).

I will save you the runaround tail-chasing blame game that we tend to place on the media and other popular paparazzi influences (I'm not saying they are exempt) and go directly to my personal experience. In Romans 7:13, Paul the Apostle noted in that knowledge of sin made sin exceedingly sinful. This by knowledge of the commandments would cause one much guilt for committing such deeds. While the war wages on and the light of Christ reflects in the soul of the redeemed, the enemy shores up his strongholds with the deterioration of self-respect and value. The nation's tolerance and consumption of smut, vulgarity, pornography, and half-naked celebutants is setting a bad example. If you happen to be a member of the male sex you can't help but notice that we may as well equip ourselves with blinders and a cane, hoping someone will help us cross the street.

The "norm" has been whatever makes you happy is what you should do. This is exhibited in the youth of our nation doing exactly that and becoming enslaved by their ignorance, inexperience, outside influence, and out of control lustful desires. In doing so they are shedding more clothing and donning more erotic, revealing, and filthy rags. These young women who are partaking in this norm mostly unaware are not being warned or instructed by their parents, as their parents are endorsing and encouraging the behavior with their own. So now this "norm" is mutating into an out of control monster known as a "more". This more is now acceptable regardless of the opinion of the law, church, or other sensible forms known as morals. Now that the "more" is setting itself in for a long winter's hibernation we as a society and those who are Christians (especially) are having less influence as time goes on. This in part is also greatly compounded by the role being played by the church, and that a large portion of the demographic we have just discussed attends every Sunday and Wednesday.

When will we say something to them? Since when is it Ok for a half-naked teenage girl to hug and hang on her grand-daddy youth leader? Why is it tolerable for church youth to give each other full-frontal hugs and bear hugs that allow the young man to be completely aware of the younger lady's body? Why does it feel wrong that you may be the only person who finds it unacceptable in a place supposedly devoted to worshiping a Just and Holy Creator? Why do female mothers, professed believers, and sisters who stand by silently, think it is acceptable for women to wear shirts that reveal as much cleavage as a porn mag brazenly left out for us to see in our local gas stations in the fellowship of saints? Worse yet why allow their pre-teen daughters to wear skirts that are shorter than most, and I say MOST prostitutes walking the stroll on West Jefferson? They show skin for heroin and crack, why is your daughter (or you) showing hers?

Part 2 will post 12:00 AM Midnight, ET.