Work in Progress III

Obviously Ive said so so candidly
that I have been at the center of all said previously
but ive been avoiding focusing on the centered me
because i am only i because of the cross at calvary
where Christ gave His life and the blood was shed for humanity
dont get me wrong its the me who commits the sins you see
but redeemed through Christ, the Holy Spirit empowers me to be
a soldier soul winner who desires to see the gospel preached

grace has become the present tense and not the former
the latter was sin and the past makes you a drama club performer
wearin the mask that has now been shed
cravin for the truth the appetite is for His word we must be fed
im alright bein a sheep thats been found led
i see the path to walk from the words of the shepherd and what He's said
its a good thing that Hes always known
the paths the turns and He's laid out the road
anxiety is squashed and I now know what to do
just have faith and these things will be added unto you

begin

Work in Progress II

Figured it was over facing the end
to the hole destined to send no more friend
its been entered the decree is final
no plea

standing condemned before the bench and tried
asking for help begging to be given life
nowhere to sleep nothing to eat
no more hustling and walkin the beat
is this how you really spell relief?
standing amongst many sinning as the chief
everyone here says they are innocent
man that arguments weak
no plea

luxury comes in a stamp and envelope
an 8 by 11 in which to put feelings in a note
maybe this time the lies are replaced with hope
no plea

end

Work in Progress

Take a polaroid of these healthy veins
snap a shot of what used to be scars of pain
wrath to self dealt by dames
obsession and compulsion results insane
former glory and obsession of self
put the hopes and dreams back on that dusty shelf

supercalinarcissitic tendencies
all my friends are dead and im callous see
focus fogged and vagueness magnified
only answer to the question is it wasn't me who died
the conscience wasn't there the 1000 times lips lied
the grin and stare was bare when my momma cried
wheres the relief when guilt shows up
is it still in the spoon or at the bottom of the cup?

keep on reading as you think thats messed up
let this remind you thats only some of the stuff
while freedom is chattin incarceration is happenin
lockin up the mind of a rock star whose now a has been
never stepped foot on a single stage
never sold a single or had a label that paid
but a legend in the mind of self spelled fame
funding from the pocket of those viewed as lame

now its the last phone call from the phone you pay
maybe even the last time seen in the light of day
lookin over the shoulder for the next way out
every hand that helps receives an angry shout
self mapped roadblocks that lead to the end
even at that point the spoon was still the only friend
its not so bad to stop and think of you
it was convincing that our love was true
last question is does it all sink in
not a second as the spike breaks the surface of skin
fantasize if you must but its all about the trust
cause killin ourselves is what we've done since the dust

end

Everybody Needs Rehab

Every now and then there's a tug on my conscience that humbles me and causes me to remember things about my past. Not that it would be one of glorification, or one of fantasy, but of sobriety. There are a significant amount of relationships I once had with people who are part of the recovery movement. You can call it Narcotics or Alcoholics Anonymous (NA and AA) or you can call it 12-step groups. Either way, I knew and still know a good number of individuals who are in what's known as "Recovery."

When I was redeemed by the blood of Christ in July of 2004, I was not yet able to stand on my two feet as a man. Worse yet, I barely qualified as human in many respects. When this part of my life is discussed with peers and people I associate with now, they just say good job, or well done. You have a good life so now everything is alright has become the adage. However, what they don't seem to hear when they hear my words, is the grace of the Christ. In the intermediary time spent transitioning from dope fiend to human being, there was not much discipleship occurring. My discipleship was spent soaking up the philosophies of Narcotics Anonymous. As well as I see many do embracing these steps and ideals, they are being saturated with humanism that has long washed itself of the truth and redemption of God found in Jesus Christ.

The relationships I had break my heart and I long to return to my people. Yes, my people. Many of them remember what it's like to be forgotten, swept under the rug, and written off as useless members of our society. They too will admit that they were exactly that. But, they still face that demon on a regular basis and end up owning a persona that causes insecurities, shallow perceptions of relationships, discontent and disinterest in God, and most of all, social anxieties that separate them (us) from others when we are in a room full of people who love us.

I am familiar with their pain, and it is an intimate pain that I wish I could say has been lifted. But today it stands as a thorn in my flesh and reminds me daily of what I was actually delivered from the moment I realized the full payment for my sin could be found in Jesus Christ. Oh how great is our Lord on High? I know this call, these thoughts, this thorn is for good reason. It is to remind me that there is a mission field I was placed in and I have shirked this duty for a long time. Smoke filled meeting halls, cussing street people, and manic depressed recovering addicts can finally recover once and for all.

Problem is, there is not many people in those smoked filled rooms telling them who the real Jesus is. I think I'm going to make me a meeting tomorrow night. RU Anonymous? When's the last time you shared the gospel with that dope fiend who just asked you for a quarter? I used to be him. I never heard from you. Maybe the next one will?

Mat 11:28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Accusations of Aversion

One might become ostracized when discussing ecclesiology with individuals whose only exposure to it is that of the position justified by tradition, then proven from scripture. The perspective of 'church' being implemented as it is found in practice throughout the New Testament is often frowned upon and dismissed as being impossible to embrace due to cultural restraints we now face daily. As emergent as many may find this to sound, I think it's at least owed a second look in our study.

Some of us can discuss this openly, humbly, and in Christian love. But most of us, will dismiss the other party as a confessing heretic only to never find ourselves in fellowship with one another again. Whether or not fellowship ever existed between parties to begin with bears little relevance when the topic matter creates enough friction to cause harm or hatred toward a brother.

Most often, proponents of this perspective are misunderstood. Rightly so, as the norm is created by those who are zealous and promote a complete retreat to the other end of the spectrum where there is no return to the middle in sight. Either way, we need to remember that the disillusioned generation that has spawned and multiplied under the wing of emergent theology, there is still a part of that group that still resides under the wing of biblical theology.

One that does well to seek discipleship under the teachings of our Lord, also does well to understand that it isn't a retreat that's needed. It's a recovery. So when you encounter someone who may share in this thinking, you could remember to hear out the evidence first. Or just do what's always done, accuse, dismiss, and then accuse them of having an aversion toward preaching, institutions, or true church. Or in other words, dismiss their legitimate aversion toward cultural christianity and assign them false convert status because they don't meet the status quo.